Sunday,  we were commissioned by our church as missionaries to Nepal.

It was a blessed thing to be prayed over by so many.

And as countless people came by at the end to shake our hands or give us a hug.

I heard many comment on how brave we were. How God had used us to inspire them.

I was called a special kind of person.

And I’m humbled that God can, and is using us to impact others.

Yet, last night as I pondered this, I had to shake me head.

See, the reality is my legs are shaking like a leaf.

My heart is overwhelmed and I often find it hard to breathe.

When I think of leaving those I love behind, the tears flow and my shoulders shake.

The truth is, this warrior of God is just a child.

Last Sunday my husband preached from Luke 17, about the unworthy servant.

At the beginning of the passage, Jesus tells the disciples that if someone sins against them 70 x 7, they are to forgive them.

They respond by saying, give us more faith.

It seems that what God is asking them to do is beyond them.

They know that in and of themselves it is impossible and they think they need more faith.

But Jesus tells them,  “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. (Luke 17:6)”

My husband then explained that it wasn’t about the amount of faith, it was instead about obedience.

See telling a tree to be uprooted is crazy, and asking it to plant itself in the sea is insane.

Neither of these things make sense and they both are impossible.

Yet, Jesus tells the disciples that if they say to the tree do this, the tree will obey.

Jesus finishes off the parable talking about the unworthy servant.

A servant will not come in and expect to be waited on by his master.

A slave will do as expected, and would be shocked to hear thank you or well done.

He concludes with these words, “So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'”

And that about sums it up for me!

Because the truth is, I’m not brave and courageous.

I’m actually scared and timid.

Not a whole lot of what we are doing makes sense, rationally

And the truth is I’m not super spiritual.

I’m just an unworthy servant who has been told to go to the mission field.

And who has said yes, in obedience to the Master.

And sometimes saying yes to God is easy, and other times it is hard.

But as Kristen Welch so eloquently put it, “Saying yes to God does not mean I’m not afraid, it just means I’m obedient.”

 luke 17