What no one told me…

No one told me how hard it would be to be back in the US after our 5 years abroad.

No one told me how much my heart would ache for our other “home,”and the precious people there.

No one told me the smallest reminders would bring tears to my eyes, such as the smell of cumin and turmeric cooking.

No one explained the grieving that would take place in the days, weeks, and months to follow.

Now that we are back in the States (for such a time as this), people are always making comments about how they are sure I’m so glad to be home.

Little do they know that this place feels little like home, or that the reality is I’m not as happy as they probably believe I am.

Our family has been back now for about 6 weeks, but it feels dreadfully longer.

Oh don’t get me wrong, we are loving being close to our family.

Long hot showers are awesome, dryers to dry clothes are phenomenal, the overload of food choices amazing, and all the conveniences I missed are great. They really are.

But, I miss the process. I miss having to make things from scratch, I miss the slower pace of life. I miss the community of people who made up our world there. I miss seeing God in all the little things.

And yes, I can experience some of this the same here, but it just isn’t the same ( I know that makes little sense, but it is true.)

My husband gets to return to our other home in a few weeks. He will be there for 3 weeks doing some pastoral training, and I’m feeling quite jealous, wishing I could hop in his suitcase and tag along. Yet, I’m thankful for the connection we still have with this place.

Time, it takes time to readjust. This is so very true, but the reality is once you have lived abroad, once a country has claimed a part of your heart. You are never truly the same.

As I selected all the photos I wanted prints of the other night (yes, all 350) my eyes filled with tears as I reviewed the past 5 years.

I know it is easy to glamorize it now, from its reality. I know and remember the days I just wanted to go “home.” I remember the hard days.

But those days were far and few and in between a host of wonderful day.

Had someone told me how much my heart would ache, how much I’d miss this other home, would I still go.

Absolutely, without a doubt.

Someone said the other day it must be hard to live in one place, when your heart loves two places.

And quite honestly I couldn’t have said it better.

Many say home is where the heart is.

So where is “home” when your heart is in 2 places?

It is without a doubt in a hard place, but also a joyful place.

For my heart is full for I’ve been blessed not only to call one country my home, but 2.

And I will be forever grateful for both.

Was it worth it?? Yes

This morning I awoke with this question going through my mind. Was it worth it?

Five years ago our family sold everything to come to Nepal and now five years later we are at it again. This time, selling, tossing, and packing once more to return to the USA.

We will leave this home where our family has actually lived its longest to go back to the unknown.

And I wonder was it worth it?

Was it worth it years ago to sell our house to go to Korea?

Was it worth it to sell our possessions to move to Nepal?

Was the 2 years we spent in Korea worth the upheaval of our family?

Has our 5 years here in Nepal made a difference, was it worth it?

And the only answer I can reply to each question is, “HE is worth it.”

We have listened and sought to obey the Father’s leading ever since we got married 18 years ago. This has led us to Arkansas, Tennessee, S. Korea, and Nepal.

And though it hasn’t always made sense from the viewpoint of the world, I know that He is worth whatever He ask of us.

Do I relish the idea of starting over (again)? No.

Am I fearful of the many unknowns? Yes.

Is my heart breaking over more goodbyes? Yes.

Do I want to leave this place we have come to call home? No, not really.

And yet He is worth it all.

To be honest despite the heartache, despite the chaos, despite the ?’s, I would not trade the time we were given in S. Korea nor in Nepal for anything. It has been worth it, and I’d do it all over again.

Today, we will plunge forward once more into the unknown. Our suitcases are packed  down to the Kg and tonight, we will embark on the next adventure the Lord has for us.

And we will do so because He is worthy of our love and obedience no matter what.

What a privilege it is to be His hand and feet. To be used by Him. This is an honor we are so unworthy of.

So though nothing about this is easy, we will “rejoice in the Lord, we will be joyful in God our Savior. For the Sovereign Lord is our strength. He makes our feet like the feet of the deer. He enables us to go on the heights (Hab. 3:18-19).”

Blessings from Nepal!

Choosing Joy

Giving thanks, always leads to joy!

mandylynncarpenter

It was raining again, which meant the roads were going to be covered in mud as my daughter and I made our way to the bus. Just a few days ago, we had slipped and slided down the road, and now again, we’d be forced to do so.

As we walked, we huddled under our umbrellas, and talked. My daughter was bemoaning the mud, the rain, and the fact that once again on her swimming day, it was raining.

I listened and understood her frustration.

Then I reminded her that we have a choice to make daily. We can choose to grumble and complain about all the negative things, or we can choose to give thanks for the good.

Oh, it is so much easier to complain, than to be thankful. Yet, giving thanks can change the mood and attitude of our entire day.

Before long, we were giving thanks…

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Joy comes in the morning!!!

Why is it that sickness seems to strike during the night. I can’t tell you the number of times, I have gone to bed feeling fine, only to be awakened in the night sick. Last night was such a night. Yet, the amazing thing is, more often than not, by morning I’m feeling fine. The same proved true today, last night, I jokingly told my son, just kill me 🙂 because I felt so poorly. Then I awaken this morning feeling just fine.

I’ve noticed this same trend with the weather here in Nepal. The day can be a beautiful sunny day, and then suddenly it will rain all night. Yet, the next morning you awaken to sunshine.

As I thought on these things, I was reminded of the Scripture that tells us “For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime.Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Ps. 30:5).”

I’ve realized just how true these this is. And not just a night, but sometimes there are even seasons of darkness, but if you just wait, joy comes. There are times of questioning, but if you wait, the answers come. Times of doubt, followed by great faith. Times of pain followed by great joy.

Yet, the wait as we go through such seasons is not always easy. Waiting for the Lord to hear our prayers, and provide the answers we need. Waiting for the Lord to heal our broken hearts, and to remove all the doubt and fear. Times when we grieve the loss of those we held dear, and we wonder will we ever get through?

Life is a series of seasons. There are mountain tops, plateaus, and valley. Yet, God is there with us through each  season and in each place.

We long for the mountain tops where we can bask in the Lord’s presence, sense His touch, and enjoy His radiance. We dread the valley’s that seem so dark, lonely, and scary. That leave us on our knees through the night, begging God for relief. Yet, most of our time is spent in neither place, bur rather on the plateau. Where we just go through our day-to-day life.

Yet, no matter what season we are in, what place we are at.. God is there. Though we may not feel Him, He is with us. No matter our doubts, fear, unfaithfulness, He is faithful. Despite the best of times, worst of times, or day-to-day, we are never alone.

And, we do not stay in one season forever, we do not stay in one place. Season change, times change, and life continues moving forward, no matter how much at times we won’t to freeze it or slow it down.

I can remember when I had two little boys, 18 months apart, both in diapers. I can remember how difficult those days were, but it was just a season. Today they are 15 and 14, and time is moving oh too fast.

So if you find yourself in a dark time, just wait,the light of His radiance will shine.

If you’re in a time of the unknown, hold tight, God will show you the way.

If your heart is grieving, don’t despair, joy will come.

And for those of you on the mountain top, rejoice, and enjoy. Yet, if you find yourself in the valley, don’t give up, you won’t be here forever. And if your on the plateau, remain faithful in your day-to-day to serve Him.

Though weeping does come, joy will also follow.

 

 

 

Instructing our Daughters in the Way of the KING.

mandylynncarpenter

“Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline you ear; Forget your people and your father’s house; then the King will desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him.” Psalm 45:11

This verse is full of imperatives, “Listen, give attention, incline your ear, forget..” And as I read this verse, I couldn’t help but think of my daughter, and likewise all young girls.

We live in a world that says, impress your people, that says listen, give attention to what others think, what others say.

And if our daughters listen to the messages that bombard the media, they will hear messages which contradict God’s Word.

They will hear messages that say, “dress this way to get attention, use people to get what you want, use your body to manipulate.” They will hear messages that tell them they have to be a certain size, or a certain weight…

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Cultivating Fatihfulness

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 37… “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart….” I mean what is not to love?

Yet, if you keep reading there is much more to this Psalm, that the often quoted verse. As I was reading it the other day, I was struck by verse 3 second part, “Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.”

This struck me because quite honestly I wasn’t exactly loving my place at that moment. Instead I was grumbling about the dust, tired of the food, and feeling like I’d rather be anywhere than there.

Yet, as I read, “Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” It was as if God spoke directly to my heart.

So I began to meditate and pick apart this verse.

In searching I found the Hebrew word Shakan for dwell. This word means to settle down. To abide. To reside. To continue. To stay. To rest.

Basically, it means to be all there. To live fully in that place, to stay there, continue there, rest there, live there.

And the Lord whispered to my heart, “Dwell in this place I’ve called you, be all here.”

Then I looked at the second part, “and cultivate faithfulness.”

To cultivate mean to grow or maintain. In farming it means to plan and prepare for growth.

See it isn’t enough to dwell where God has you, we have to cultivate faithfulness. We have to grow, and maintain our relationship with the Lord.

When a farmer cultivates the land, he prepares the soil for farming. Which means he gets rid of the weeds, removes the rocks, fertilizes the soil, plants the seed, and waters it. It is a process, all needed to bring about the crop he desires to grow.

As I thought on this, and what the Lord commanded, I realized that the same is true and necessary for the child of God. In order to cultivate faithfulness, we have to remove the sin that entangles, cut out that which weighs us down, and prepare our hearts to grow in our walk with Him.

In the NASV, there is a small letter next to the words, “cultivate faithfulness.” When you click there, or read the small print in the Bible, it gives another interpretation to this.

It says, (or feed on His faithfulness).

I think it is a definite both and. We are to cultivate faithfulness in our own lives, but we do this as we feed upon His faithfulness. For though we will fail, we will mess up, the Lord never fails. He is always faithful. And it is through His faithfulness, we are able to be faithful.

And once more the Lord spoke to my heart, saying, “Dwell in the land, be all there, live there, abide there, and remain faithful to that which I have called you to, as you feed upon My faithfulness!”

Your place and mine will be different, and yet God’s message to us both remains the same.

In the place God has put you (literal and figurative) be all there. And while you are there, be faithful in your walk with the Lord, be faithful in the work He has called you to. Which is all possible as you depend entirely feed upon His faithfulness.

Doing all things as unto the Lord!

I must say that what I envisioned when our family packed our suitcases, and flew to the other side of the world, is quite different from the reality of life here.

I dreamed of being used by God greatly, seeing the lost saved in droves, making disciples of the nationals, you know, being His hands and feet day by day in the trenches.

But for me, the wife and mom of three. This has not been the case.

Rather I find myself being used instead in my husband and kid’s lives. I find myself teaching and training my children, and being His hands, and feet as I go about the day-to-day things that must be accomplished to live here.

Such as supporting my husband in his ministry as he teaches and trains pastors. Homeschooling our children, cooking meals mainly from scratch, washing clothes, so they can hang to dry. Going to buy groceries on a day-to-day basis. Helping kids study for test, and do their homework. Trying to learn the language and communicate at the local markets… and the list goes on.

It isn’t bad, or wrong. It is just not what I thought it would be. And sometimes I feel like failure. I feel I’m not doing enough.

This past weekend when my husband was preaching, he said. “Your identity is not in what you do, but rather in Whose you are.”

And he’s right. The Bible says, “Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do all things as unto the Lord.” Col 3:17

What matters most is whether in whatever God has called us to do, that we are doing these things as unto Him. That we are doing what He has asked us to, for His glory.

This has been a freeing and encouraging thought, as my days seems to fly by, with weeks turning into months all to quick. And wondering where the time has gone, and what was accomplished.

For such a time as this, God has called me to support my husband in the ministry He has called him to. He has led me to home school my kids, and teach and train them in His Word. Sure, I do have ministry outside the home, as Children’s director at the local church. Yet, the majority of my time is spent within our compound walls.

This doesn’t make me a failure. It makes me obedient to what He’s given me. And as long as I’m doing it unto Him, He is pleased.

What about you. What has God called you to do? You don’t have to be a pastor, missionary or youth director to be pleasing to God. You can be a Science teacher, a doctor, a nurse, an electrician. So long as you’re doing as God led you to do, and your doing it for His glory.

Be encouraged today, He looks and see’s your obedience, and He is pleased.

The Most Important Piece of Armor

A friend and I have been walking through the book of Ephesians together. The past few weeks we have been talking about the armor of God, piece by piece. We’ve discussed the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel shoes of peace, the sword of the spirit, the helmet of salvation, and the breastplate of righteousness. Each being a vital piece of the armor needed in order to stand firm, and live for the Lord.

But then, Paul says, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.( Eph. 6:18).”

AND PRAY…. 

It is the final aspect I fear most of us leave out. And yet, it is the most important.

For if we put on all the pieces of the armor, if we know and stand on God’s Word, and yet seek to fight the enemy in our own strength we will surely fall.

Remember the story of David and Goliath. When David first tells King Saul, he will go and fight, King Saul tries to convince David to wear his armor. But, the armor was too big, and it just didn’t work. So, David takes it off, picks up 5 smooth stones, grabs his slingshot, and off he goes to fight the giant.

He was confident, not because he had five smooth stones or His sling shot. He was confident because He relied upon the Lord.

When we wear the armor, do the “Christian” thing, but do it all in our own strength we look and act like David wearing Saul’s armor. This armor is useless in our fight against the enemy.

Yet, when we put on the full armor of God, and rely upon the Lord through prayer. Then and only then, are we able to fight and resist the enemy.

Over and over again Paul tells us to “Stand Firm!!”

And I’m convinced the only way we can truly stand firm, resist the enemy, and fight is if we have put on the pieces of armor yes, but also when we rely on the Lord, AND PRAY.

Unfortunately, many of us, think we can handle the enemy in our own strength. We believe the lie that we don’t really need the Lord, that we can do it on our own. When in fact, we can not.

The enemy is real, and his greatest desire for those of us who belong to the Lord is to destroy us. He wants to destroy our families, our marriages, our testimonies, and our faith in the Lord.

For if he can do this, he has us right where he wants us… down and out, defeated. And ineffective for the Lord.

We must resist him, we must stand firm, and we do this only when we rely upon the Lord, and look to Him through prayer.

Prayer… it’s a privilege, an honor that we have to come before the King of Kings, to bring our request before Him. A blessing of having His strength when ours is gone.

May we not take this privilege lightly, rather may we pray continually, communing moment by moment , daily with the Lord.

 

 

 

 

Smoothing out the rough edges…

If you have ever used sandpaper, you know that it is used to smooth out the rough edges. Today at art school, we were given the sculptures we have made thus far, and pieces of sandpaper, so we could sand out the bumps. As I sanded away, I would think it was smooth, only to notice another bump or crack that needed smoothed out.

And I was reminded once again of the ways in which God allows difficult circumstances in our own lives to smooth out the rough edges. To get rid of the unnecessary junk in our lives.

He does this in numerous ways for each person. For me, the past month and a half as we have settled back into life here has been a sanding process. As the Father has had to strip away the preconceived notions I had about how life should be.

This week in particular, He has used one problem after another (no water, no internet, no computer) to chip away at the junk in my heart. And with each thing, he has revealed the gunk within me.

I’ve found myself acting much like the Israelites saying, “If only we’d stayed in Egypt.” I’ve found myself grumbling and complaining. And as I was reminded in Scripture, my complains are not just away of letting off steam, they are complaints against God.

Oh, we may not direct our complaints to the Lord, but the truth is, when we complains, we basically are saying, we don’t trust Him, we are asking where He is, and reminding Him we don’t deserve these issues.

I’m afraid the molding, shaping, and sanding process are part of the Christian life. For God’s ultimate purpose is to bring us into the image of His Son. And He will do whatever it takes to chip away the junk, smooth out the edges, and take what appears disfigured, cracked, or broken, and make it into something beautiful!

After an hour and a half of sanding, my little vase and bowl, looked pretty nice for my first sculpting efforts. Yet, if you could have seen the piles of dust I had to sand off to get them to that point, you’d be amazed.

The same is true with us. God allows difficulties, He uses problems, people, sickness etc to reveal the junk with in. So He can sand off the rough edges in our lives. In order that, we might better bear the image of His Son, and shine the light of His glory.

Oh, it can be painful, it can be frustrating… and it is often humbling. But only when we go through this process, can we grow to become more like the One who left all of Heaven to become a servant unto death.

Where are you today? Is God chipping away at junk in your life, like He has been in mine? Is He allowing difficulties to reveal the problems within. Take courage my friend, though the process is difficult, the result is worth it. Lean into Him, confess your need of Him, and allow Him to smooth out the rough edges, so you may bear fruit that last.